#47 Under the Red Dress - A Controversy

Over the last couple of days you may have seen, read or heard about a story presented here in this article.

A friend just emailed me about it to ask what I think.  Here is my response to her:

Ok, I have seen this stuff on Facebook. I think I have a balanced view of it (if you can believe that).

Some background - I belong to a young women's facebook page where they always post photos of surgical scars, implants, nipples, swelling, rashes, burns etc. Some of the time I wish I wasn't confronted with unpleasant images, sometimes I don't mind. Maybe I'd like the option of whether I looked or not.....

I like the idea behind this woman's plight. It makes sense, and she is driving home the prevention message which is so important (and strikes home for me about the dilemma with some of my own family members' refusal to consider prevention/avoidance that I still don't understand.

Are the images pornographic? Of course they're not. Are they difficult to look at? Yes, for some people they would be.  They are confronting, especially if you are unfamiliar with the types of surgery required to treat and prevent breast cancer.

This is something I'm very cautious of, as seeing me naked would be like seeing her naked ..... it may make some people uncomfortable and it plays a part in why I am not out there dating for dating's sake, you know?

Was she brave putting them out there - hell yeah. I'd never do that in a million years, yet I bare my emotional soul to a degree.... is there a difference, I don't know.

Did people reject her because she did the wrong thing? Or did they reject her because their fear was too much?  Who knows. 

 

That's the thing with social media and in life. You can't please all the people all the time.

This is my friend's response.  Thanks N. x

"Regarding the article (and I’m being completely honest), it does seem to be the trendy and “brave” thing to do these days, so I was a bit “ho hum” to start with.  Having said that, I do think about you every time I see something like this so it does affect me more than anyone who hasn’t been exposed to a friend or relative having had cancer.  It did make me think about how “attractive” women are when they are all kitted out and yet you don’t know what is going on underneath.  It also made me feel stupid for focusing on my body so much.  I think most people would find it too confronting and be offended simply because they don’t want to see anything that is not the ideal.  Why do we reject anything that is not the standard beauty and get offended by normalcy??  Even though she had cancer and that is why her body looks the way it does, most women out there have similar stuff going on naturally!  They must get offended looking at themselves every day!!  Poor us….. we are all so screwed up.  Unfortunately (and I think I inadvertently came to this conclusion by reading back what I just wrote) – it might be that her message about prevention has been lost to the topic of body image and today’s ideal of what beauty is."

What are your thoughts?

#4 That damn greener grass......

I remember reading a Dolly magazine interview with then 23 yo Cindy Crawford.  Two pearls of wisdom from Cindy stayed with me. 

1.        The notion of having a signature scent.  For many, many years I was a Giorgio diehard.  It’s only been more recently, thanks to the advent of Strawberrynet that I have branched out to trying a variety of scents.

2.       The concept that an increase in years typically results in a decline in metabolism.  Imagine Cindy Crawford at 23 having to worry about her weight..... regardless, my 17 year old brain stored that little gem away, anticipating the time of life when I would be adding on average one kilo per year.

Yesterday, the memory of that life-changing edition of Dolly came jolting back.  A lovely, newly engaged friend came around to try on my wedding dress.  Both of us believers in the pointlessness of spending thousands of dollars on a dress to be worn only once.

Don’t worry, I have been acutely aware for some time now that I no longer possess the figure I had on my wedding day.  Factors my mind allows me to consider as major contributors to said change include: extreme spontaneous weight loss in the lead up to the wedding; cancer treatment; decline in exercise (ability and motivation); and of course, the big one – age.  Welcome to 40!

It may seem obvious, but I have seriously only realised that it is no longer helpful for my self esteem to compare myself in any way, shape or form to women who are in their twenties.

In fact, comparisons of any form are rarely helpful.  Think about it, no matter what the scale of measure, there will ALWAYS be those better off than us, as well as the rarely considered those who are less well off than us.

I have discovered, that if on the very odd occasion I must do a little reality check to see how I am travelling in terms of health and fitness (read: ‘ego boost’), it only works if I compare myself to women over 60.  Even then, it sometimes fails.  Damn you Helen Miren!