About Me

My photo
I started this blog as I entered my 40th year, and now firmly in my 40s, I continue to learn so much about life. I'm learning that life rarely goes according to plan and that there's something new to learn every single day, be it a subtle nudge or a smack in the face.... This is my blog about muddling through my 40s-working hard, writing a book, being an ammateur photographer, trying to exercise and eat well, endeavouring to be the world's best aunt, as well as having fun and laughing out loud every single day.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

#76 Sometimes, when the planets align...


When I feel content, centred, happy, it's never a coincidence....

Garlic hanging in the sun in Tropea, Calabria
That it happens when I'm feeling connected to my family and friends....
Padlocks and blue, blue sea in Tropea, Calabria
 It happens when I'm taking photos...

Chillis - Tropea, Calabria

It happens when I'm exercising....

Herbs and spices, Civita di Bagnoregio, Umbria
It happens when I feel useful at work....

Umbria, Italia

It happens when I read....

Umbria, Italia
 It happens when I have great things to look forward to....
Umbrian Farmhouse, Italia
 It happens when I feel on top of things like work and the housework....

The Chapel at Mel & Ant's - Acqualoreto, Umbria
It happens when I watch movies....
In the garden at Mel & Ant's, Acqualoreto, Umbria
It happens when I travel....

It happens when I feel part of something bigger than myself.



Saturday, May 30, 2015

#71 Life

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written on here since March 9th this year.

It's funny - for the past five years I have struggled to strike a balance in my life. As I've written previously, since having breast cancer, I have swung between the extremes of trying to fit in as much life as I can per minute (you know, just in case...) and trying to live a calm and stress free existence.

I'm happy to report, that I think I'm just about as close as ever to the elusive 'B' word - Balance.

I really only have two free weeknights - Tuesdays and Thursdays. They have inevitably been filled with exercise, appointments, my nephews, uni preparation and up until this year, alternating between salsa classes and camera club. So you see, really, I had no nights off.

This year, although most of that still happens, I've managed to come to the understanding that you just can't do everything and so, I no longer stress out if I don't feel like going to salsa and I haven't been to camera club all financial year. It took the pressure off in the best way.

I've managed to finish my book after 2 1/2 years and although my literary agent is yet to find a publisher for it, I'm remaining optimistic and am even thinking about what I can write next. Maybe a couple of blog posts!

March 9th coincide with the beginning of the university trimester and I was lucky enough to teach a subject called The Human Mind for the coolest class of students. I've had a ball. It's finished now and I have some spare time again.... until next trimester that is. I've found it so important to have some variety in my work and although it's stressful, I've very much enjoyed and become comfortable in my sometimes role of Academic. Who would've thought....

The other thing I've been able to do, is binge watch some movies.... stay tuned for some movie reviews.

Hope you're all great!

x

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

#25 The Control Illusion

Today someone innocently asked me what I do to make sure I don't get cancer again.

I don't mind admitting, I lost my shit.

At no stage have I tolerated any suggestion that if I only think positively/follow this diet/only eat organic/ don't drink alcohol/ read this self help book/ wear a certain bra that I will be able to prevent myself from getting cancer.  Again.

Why?  What's so bad about someone wanting to help?  Well, to me, any suggestion similar to the above screams "it's all your fault you got cancer".  And that makes me angry.

There is not one single, solitary reason I got breast cancer.  It was a combination of factors.  Factors I can guess at, but never fully be able to identify.

What have I done to "make sure" my cancer doesn't return?  There is nothing that can guarantee me of that.

What have I done to give myself the best possible chance?

I've had both of my breasts - as much breast tissue as possible - surgically removed, along with my skin and nipple and the majority of my lymph nodes.

I've had a full hysterectomy - before I turned 40 - leading to early menopause and likely osteoporosis and cardio vascular disease.

I take medication every day that makes every joint ache and is also likely to cause osteoporosis.

I try to live my life without the fear of dying hanging over my head.

I try to live with most things in moderation.

That's what I do.  That's all I can do.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

#21 Where did all the time go?

Not only have I not been finding the time to write, I also haven't found the time to read your blogs..... for a really long time.

I hereby pledge that I will do my utmost to begin re-reading your blogs - one per day.  So if you have a blog and the link is not attached to your avatar, please add the link in the comments to this post.

Not only that, but I am also going to comment - in a meaningful way.

Before I do that, I'd like to send a shout out to all of my followers.  All 30 of you.

Rocky

Michelle Faithfull

Al Redfern

Lynn Proctor

Christine Harris

Tim

Kerry

Teresa Coltrin

Mare Ball

Sylvia Ney

Ida Chiavaro

Acadia 1997

Sally Stackhouse

Aunty Amo

Donna Gotlib

Betty Alark

Mary Hill

Vicki Paulus

John Ivory

Andrea

Judy

Elli4Him

Bames

The Wicked Writer

Dot Hearn

Heidi Mannan

Rhondi

MOV

and last, but not least, Tim Riley

You'll find each other in the right hand menu.

If you don't hear from me in the next month on your blog, please give me a gentle nudge!

Happy reading.

xo

Sunday, May 19, 2013

#8 Team Jolie

Well I think I have finally recovered from the A-Z Challenge and am ready to post again.  I did not set out to make this a blog about cancer, but Angelina Jolie's recent revelation about her prophylactic surgery is too topical and too close to home to not write about it.

Like Angelina, I too carry the BRCA1 gene mutation.

Unlike Angelina, I had two primary breast cancers which made my decision for bilateral mastectomies a relatively easy one.

Like Angelina, I had immediate reconstructive surgery.

Unlike Angelina, the entire world was not in a position to judge my decisions.

Like Angelina, I didn't want to be afraid of getting (more) cancer.

Unlike Angelina, the majority of people supported any treatment decision I made because I HAD cancer.

Like Angelina, I want to live a long and happy life.

Unfortunately, I have read a few Facebook posts and articles that have judged Angelina's decision harshly and to be honest, such views make me sick to my stomach.  There appear to be many misconceptions about genetic mutations.  One such misconception is that we all carry the BRCA1 genetic mutation and that we can switch it on and off based on our lifestyle choices, meaning that each individual is literally able to control whether or not they get cancer.  Please, let me refute this claim.

Firstly, we certainly all DO NOT carry the BRCA1 genetic mutation.  We do all however, have the BRCA1 gene.  This is one important gene as it is responsible for gobbling up any breast cancer cells to prevent a tumour growing.  When someone like Ange and I have a faulty BRCA1 gene, that means that our gobbling of breast cancer cell ability goes array and unfortunately doesn't always work - hence, the increased chance (up to 87% more likely) of getting breast cancer.  The number of people with faulty genes is minimal.  It is unlikely that you will have a genetic mutation in your BRCA1 genes.

Secondly, the decision to remove healthy body parts, particularly body parts that are so closely linked with our gender and sexuality (not to mention career, in Ange's case), is not a simple one.  As I mentioned, my situation was much more straightforward.  I do not envy anyone who has to make the decision to remove their breasts or ovaries in case cancer appears.  Psychologically, that must be a much more difficult dilemma.  And if not the decision to have the surgery, then the decision of when.

Early intervention is so vital.  Breast cancer is a disease that CAN be cured if it is diagnosed and treated early enough.  Angelina is not leaving anything to chance.  She made an empowered choice to minimise her risk, effectively controlling her future health outcomes.

Fear can paralyse many and make them stand in judgement, as if belittling someone else's choice protects them from ever facing the same fate.  Genetic mutations are inherited randomly.  They are nobody's fault. 

I am attending Sam's "after party" today.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, just like me.  But her's was found a little late and had already travelled throughout her body providing her with an arduous battle over the past 3 years.  She died on May 8th, aged 43 and leaves behind two young twin boys, a teenage daughter and a loving husband. 

Sam would have given anything to be able to make a choice like Angelina and still be here today.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

#1 Blog Life Begins at 40

The last time I wrote a blog, life was very different.

In 2009, my husband and I were struggling with the decision of whether or not to have a baby.  Although I didn't know it at the time, research for the blog helped me sort through the confusion and chaos inside my head and my body, and the entire experience of blog writing was nothing short of an ablution for my soul.

In the short version, the marriage ultimately ended amicably one month before I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March, 2010.  Breast cancer treatment took up the rest of 2010 and eventually removed any possibility of me having children. 

In some marvellous stroke of genius by the universe however, surviving cancer provided a level of perspective that has made all of the loss and change over the past three years, okay.  It's all okay.

At times, I have found great pleasure, peace and calm in the smallest and seemingly most insignificant of things.  Colours have seemed brighter.  The smell of Summer in the air, or the feel of rain drops on my face have brought such happiness and satisfaction to my day.  The desire for the things I don't have has faded and in its place I feel more happiness than I have since I was a little girl.

Throughout treatment, I held my 40th birthday as a very significant milestone.  I figured that if I made it to 40, I would most likely be well with hair that would help me somewhat resemble my old self.  Turning 40 would be not only a birthday milestone, but it would be a celebration of life.  The life I had already lived, as well as the future I still had in front of me. 

Allowing myself to look forward more than a day at a time has been a real challenge, especially once treatment ended.  I continue to struggle with maintaining a balance and not take on too much, trying to live an entire lifetime in a shorter period, because there is no guarantee that I will have as many years left as I would once have thought.

My bucket list is overflowing and time is of the essence.  Writing is on the top of the list and I am in the process of writing my first book.  But I want to write in different ways and here I am, back blogging.  I am very into lists of things you must do before you die, so I have included my own What to Check Out Before You Check Out.  See the right hand margin of the blog - I'd love to hear everyone's suggestions, so please feel free to comment.

Predominantly though, through this blog I hope to work my way through my ever growing bucket list, as well as make myself accountable - to not allow myself to lose the precious perspective I have gained - and to live my life, one moment at a time.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...