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I started this blog as I entered my 40th year, and now firmly in my 40s, I continue to learn so much about life. I'm learning that life rarely goes according to plan and that there's something new to learn every single day, be it a subtle nudge or a smack in the face.... This is my blog about muddling through my 40s-working hard, writing a book, being an ammateur photographer, trying to exercise and eat well, endeavouring to be the world's best aunt, as well as having fun and laughing out loud every single day.

Friday, June 27, 2014

#61 Conscious Uncoupling

I've been thinking about this blog post ever since I listened to Cold Play's new album Ghost Stories on repeat during a four hour car ride recently.

Ghost Stories is thought to be Chris Martin's version of a mixed tape for Gwyneth Paltrow - in reverse.  Normally, mixed tapes come at the beginning of a relationship, not the end. 

After listening to the album though, one could easily be mistaken that this is one massive love letter. 
Take Sky Full of Stars for example.  I dare anyone to watch this film clip and not smile widely, feeling the love.

Magic is no exception to my theory that the album is all about love.  So where does love fit into divorce?

What is this concept of "conscious uncoupling" and does it lessen the pain?

This is what Dr Habib Sadeghi and Dr Sherry Sami had to say about it on Goop.com.

"To change the concept of divorce, we need to release the belief structures we have around marriage that create rigidity in our thought process. ... The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone...If we can recognize that our partners in our intimate relationships are our teachers, helping us evolve our internal, spiritual support structure, we can avoid the drama of divorce and experience what we call a conscious uncoupling.

A conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. Because present events always trigger pain from a past event, it’s never the current situation that needs the real fixing. It’s just the echo of an older emotional injury. If we can remain conscious of this during our uncoupling, we will understand it’s how we relate to ourselves internally as we go through an experience that’s the real issue, not what’s actually happening.

It’s conscious uncoupling that prevents families from being broken by divorce and creates expanded families that continue to function in a healthy way outside of traditional marriage."

I do believe it is the human condition to avoid pain.  What if consciously and respectfully recognising when a relationship has run its course and mutually agreeing to end it could actually avoid the anger part of grief?

I'm assuming no-one would want to avoid the sadness.  No grief would surely equal no love - wouldn't it??

What I wonder though, is that while it's all blog posts and album releases now, what will happen to Chris and Gwyn when we fast-forward 5 years.  When one wants to live in a different country with the children.  When the other moves into a new relationship or relationships.  When missed opportunities require blame in some direction.

What will conscious uncoupling look like then?

Would love to hear your thoughts?  Have you consciously uncoupled and pulled it off - or not?

My husband and I, after we 'consciously uncoupled' in 2010.


1 comment:

  1. What wonderful musings, Jodie! It set me wondering how I might have best ended my marriage 27 years ago.


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