Take yesterday for example, and yesterday's post. What was it that caused me to react so emotionally to such an innocent question? Well, it was likely a combination of things.
I'd only found out that morning that another young woman had just lost her life to breast cancer. Then we ran into a man who used to work at my high school who just found out he was riddled with cancer and is going to die. My colleague then made a comment about how now it was in his lymph nodes it was all over. My cancer made it to one of my lymph nodes. I was primed for that question to come a couple of hours later - "What do you do to make sure you don't get cancer back?"
My mind had been worried about me dying ALL morning. Then the question. Bam!
I over reacted to the question. But after reflecting on it last night, now I know why.
It's one of my faults.
Another is my need to please people and avoid conflict.
My parents and I just went to watch my nephews at karate. Outside the dojo, at the end of the lesson, they sat on a step in front of a shop to put their shoes and socks on. No sooner had they sat down, the owner of the shop came out to tell them to move. The owner clearly had an intellectual disability of some description and was lacking in the usual social etiquette the situation called for. Eager to defuse the situation, I had the boys move quickly to the bench seat on the footpath. In doing so, another parent on the bench smiled at me. I smiled back.
With that, the owner of the store, who had returned inside, stormed outside demanding to know what the problem was, shouting that we should treat him like an adult. I calmly explained that there was no problem, but he went on to say that he'd seen the faces we'd pulled behind his back.
Now, I know we did nothing wrong. We had obeyed his wishes and had not been disrespectful. Irrespective of this, he stood in his shop doorway for the next 10 minutes watching us as we waited for my brother in law to pick the kids up. It was certainly a long and uncomfortable 10 minutes.
I felt bad that he thought we'd disrespected him and that he felt he needed to be aggressive in his approach towards us. At the end of the day, we were two older people, two little kids and an unassuming woman.
As a psychologist, of course I can understand that there were reasons behind his presentation. What I don't understand, is why almost two hours later, I'm still thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable.
It seems my blog has become my therapy room over the past two days.
I have to say, it's been helpful.
Thanks for indulging me.
- I started this blog as I entered my 40th year, and now firmly in my 40s, I continue to learn so much about life. I'm learning that life rarely goes according to plan and that there's something new to learn every single day, be it a subtle nudge or a smack in the face.... This is my blog about muddling through my 40s-working hard, writing a book, being an ammateur photographer, trying to exercise and eat well, endeavouring to be the world's best aunt, as well as having fun and laughing out loud every single day.