#25 The Control Illusion

Today someone innocently asked me what I do to make sure I don't get cancer again.

I don't mind admitting, I lost my shit.

At no stage have I tolerated any suggestion that if I only think positively/follow this diet/only eat organic/ don't drink alcohol/ read this self help book/ wear a certain bra that I will be able to prevent myself from getting cancer.  Again.

Why?  What's so bad about someone wanting to help?  Well, to me, any suggestion similar to the above screams "it's all your fault you got cancer".  And that makes me angry.

There is not one single, solitary reason I got breast cancer.  It was a combination of factors.  Factors I can guess at, but never fully be able to identify.

What have I done to "make sure" my cancer doesn't return?  There is nothing that can guarantee me of that.

What have I done to give myself the best possible chance?

I've had both of my breasts - as much breast tissue as possible - surgically removed, along with my skin and nipple and the majority of my lymph nodes.

I've had a full hysterectomy - before I turned 40 - leading to early menopause and likely osteoporosis and cardio vascular disease.

I take medication every day that makes every joint ache and is also likely to cause osteoporosis.

I try to live my life without the fear of dying hanging over my head.

I try to live with most things in moderation.

That's what I do.  That's all I can do.