#80 Spirituality

We are three weeks into our volunteer training for Hospice in the Home and our last lesson was an enlightening, warm and comforting session on spirituality.

I was raised in a non-practicing Catholic family, next door to my Godmother Bernie, who took it upon herself to enlighten me/us (my sister too sometimes) to the traditions of Catholic mass on a Saturday night or Sunday morning, and my favourite, Christmas Eve. Despite her best efforts though, I think I decided very early on that I wasn't religious.

As I've gotten older however, my spirituality has grown and in fact, I find myself quite interested in the different religions with a distant desire to one day learn more about them all. As a part of my post-grad studies I even compared the impact of religion versus existential spirituality on the psychological adjustment to living with cancer. I think it was then that I learnt a definition of spirituality that sat well with me and that opened my mind and my life to the concept that the guilt I felt at not believing in God, could indeed be substituted by my belief in whatever I found meaningful and purposeful in my life.

That's why I enjoyed our lesson so much this week. Our instructor, a clinical pastoral care worker named Anne, helped us tease apart our thoughts about Religion Vs Faith Vs Spirituality. The differences in vocabulary that we chose for each category astounded me - words such as war and hatred were listed under 'Religion', while 'Spirituality' conjured only words like peace and calm.

We talked about the end of life, where people choose to die, who they choose to be with when they die, what brings them peace at the end and so much more.

Anne spoke of the ways she has helped people feel less scared at the end, and less alone. Comforted until after the very last breath.

I knew in part that I wanted to undertake this training in order to address my own fears of dying and I can honestly say, that in that room on Wednesday night, after that conversation, with every person in that room, I didn't feel a trace of fear at all.

I can't wait to see how I feel once the training is complete. I feel like it's already achieved my goal.

#78 Hospice In The Home

Did you know that on average, in Australia, only 15% are able to die at home? Granted, many people need medical assistance and are required to attend a hospital, but as I've recently learned, dying is not a medical issue - it's a natural process that isn't spoken about nearly enough. Is that why we fear it so much?

Dying in hospital has large financial implications, a burden which can be removed by respecting the wishes of those who choose to die in the comfort of their own home.

I am still haunted by memories of my Nana's last weeks in hospital, fearing that at the age of 92 she would be forced to move from living in her own home and placed in a nursing home. She was dying, but no-one said that. No-one told us she would never go home again and we argued with her about her need to stay in hospital. No-one listened to her. They/we all knew better. She died alone one early morning around 4am in her hospital bed. I know she would have been cold.

Of all my regrets, I wish I'd stayed with her instead of saying goodbye to fly 1800km away. I wish I'd advocated harder for her and took her home one more time. I wish we'd let her go home, where she wouldn't have died alone.

I guess I am just realising as I'm typing this that my latest project is very much about righting that wrong.

Last week I started an 8 week training course to volunteer for Hospice in the Home, a new not-for-profit organisation aiming to assist patients and their families to have the choice to die at home when the time comes.

I'm doing this in a way to give back to my community, but if I'm honest, I'm also doing it to learn more about death and dying.

If you want to read more about this amazing organisation, follow this link.